I don’t know who you are and how often you’ve come across my blog. And I can only hope that my blogposts have helped you or inspired you in some sort of way- but I’ll never know for sure.
Two years ago, I wrote my first blog post. Time has passed quite quickly, hasn’t it? My blog has evolved in many ways and reflected the tone of my living circumstances: from the metropolitan life in London to the cosy flat in Utrecht. However, dear reader, as you might have noticed, I’ve been silent for some time. I didn’t forget about writing (cannot happen -ever) but I simply ran out of ideas. Yep, the creative space within my head felt as empty as the inner life of a month old piece of dry toast. Flat, dry, and moulded. Now, I’d lie if said that I didn’t do creative stuff at all. Besides writing some prose and poetry, I organised a Poetry Slam event and started a journal with tons and tons of other creative ideas. However, as I wrote down ‘Future Blog Posts’, the page stayed blank.
At first, I was concerned. My bad conscience was nagging around in my brain, urging me to ‘write down, something- anything!’ Yet, it didn’t feel right to just fake it to be on schedule.
There have been times before when good old laziness or a very over-burdened uni schedule made it hard to keep up with writing blog posts, but it was never the same as this time; even when I had three 5000-word essays coming up, I always managed to squeeze in a blog post. This time I know it’s different: the key driving force has left. This blog is no longer for me and the time has come to let it be (or let it go, whatever song you prefer to be stuck with 😉 ).
As so often, it was a book that helped me to come to terms with my loss of passion for this creative project. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert helped me to understand, perhaps not fully, but to a certain extent how creativity works. I understood creativity to resemble a hero’s sidekick: it is there, not really part of you, but still working with you. When you’re open to receive its inspiration, it will bestow you with ideas and impulses. However, when you ignore its proposals you try its patience and risk to lose creativity’s help for good. Equally, sometimes the wrong sort of creativity knocks at your door and you actively have to decide to let it go because it simply isn’t the right sort of sidekick for you (yet without locking your door to other potential sidekicks!)
In the same way, this blog, this sort of creative expression no longer aligns with me as a person- and that’s totally OK. It doesn’t mean that it never was because for two years I genuiely enjoyed creating new blog posts, brainstorming for new topics, and detecting blogging potential in restaurants and places. Yet now, as a creative person I allow myself to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to what I want to create and what I don’t want.
It doesn’t mean that I’ll cease to be creative for good. On the contrary, I’ll express my creativity differently and who knows, maybe someday we’ll meet again for a different project. But for now, this is a farewell letter to you dear Reader. If it wasn’t for you this blog wouldn’t have existed. It was for YOU that I shared my advice, failures, and successes. To share and offer some sort of insight and teaching. I hope that I could help you in minor ways to discover new places and to dare new recipes and meals. Here’s a last advice I’d love to share with you from Gilbert’s book:
‘What would you do even if you knew that you might very well fail? What do you love doing so much that the words failure and success essentially become irrelevant? What do you love more than you love your own ego? How fierce is your trust in that love?’ (E. Gilbert)
Write it down, my friend. This is what helped me to be true to my creativity and to say goodbye to this project. I hope it will help you to come closer to your creative expression too.